Art and commentary by Kimberly Harris

Archive for May, 2013

Tomato fish-hybrids add zest to your meals

The tomatoes growing on this plant have a strange fishlike appearance

Scientists have been experimenting with combining genes from a fish and a tomato to create a genetically-modified plant that can thrive even in frigid weather in snowbound northern states.

We just knew all this frankenfood experimentation was not going to be without its consequences. Scientists speculated that a winter harvest of tomatoes would be possible outdoors in Wyoming, Montana, Minnesota and North Dakota, and while results have been less than encouraging they still hold out hope for eventual success.

Several focus groups consisting of families, restaurant owners and food critics were established to investigate the public’s reactions to the aroma, flavor, texture and shelf life of the innovative tomato hybrids. After a three-month period, the researchers compiled their findings:

  • The vast majority asserted that the tomatoes make a superb Marinara sauce to accompany seafood
  • Some reported that the sauce made from the tomatoes obviated the need for anchovies on a pizza
  • A few said that the tomatoes made for a rather exotic Blood Mary, and might be an inexpensive natural substitute for Clamato
  • A Vietnamese restaurant came up with a innovative twist on traditional Nước mắm pha fermented fish dipping sauce
  • One chef stated that the tomatoes unleashed an unearthly scream when he dropped them into boiling water to remove their skins.
  • Some experienced difficulties when they attempted to fillet their tomatoes.
  • Others reported that their BLT’s started flapping around when they bit into them.
  • In one instance, a cat demonstrated an unusual fascination with a family’s dinner salads.
  • Another cat began digging up the vegetable garden and leaving tomato stems on the welcome mat at the front door.
  • A woman swore that the tomatoes in her vegetable basket were glowing in the dark
  • There were a number of people complaining that the tomatoes don’t last more than a couple of days in the refrigerator before everything begins to smell and taste like fish.
  • Participants in the annual La Tomatina tomato battle found the fish-tomatoes to be a formidable weapon to use against their opponents in this popular food fight which takes place in the last week of August in the town of Buñol in eastern Spain.

Illustration by Kim Harris

Story by Don Rudisuhle

For another of our frankenfood stories, please go to:

A little girl accepts a lollipop from a strange fishlike man

Ginny accepts a lollipop from a Frankenfish

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