Art and commentary by Kimberly Harris

Ted Cruz is chasing The Donald who is flying an antique airplane

Aspiring high flyers, heed this sage advice: “Keep thy wings level and maintain thine airspeed lest the ground rise up and smite thee mightily.”

 
Flyin’ Ted beats his wings hard to catch up to The Donald’s Juggernaut

After campaigning out West in the delegate-rich states of California, Washington and Oregon, Donald Trump decided to forgo his private Boeing 757 jet and make a dramatic entrance at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland by landing a World War II vintage Ryan PT-22 trainer in the parking lot of the Quicken Loans Arena. As Trump homes in on Cleveland, Flyin’ Ted is cruzin’ hard and shedding feathers in his wake as he tries to catch up to The Donald and his pilot, Captain Eddie. Flyin’ Ted’s last hope is to collect enough delegates before July to feather his nest at what he believes could be a contested convention that could score him the nomination.

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“He was not bone and feather but a perfect idea of freedom and flight, limited by nothing at all”
― Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull

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N.B. For you aviation buffs out there, the airplane is a Ryan PT-22 “Recruit” which was used as a trainer by the United States Army Air Forces during World War II. A civilian version of the PT-22, a Ryan Aeronautical ST3KR, was in the news in March 2015 when actor Harrison Ford experienced an engine failure after departing from Santa Monica airport. He was forced to crash-land on a nearby golf course where he sustained serious injuries.

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

Governor John Kasich is riding a dragon against a backdrop of windmills

Fearless Governor John Quixotich prepares to vanquish his towering opponents against virtually insurmountable odds.

 
Faced with the prospect of jousting with opponents of overwhelming stature, fearless governor John Quixotich exchanges his trusty steed Rocinante for a fierce fire-breathing dragon and charges forth with a battle cry “It’s time for nice guys to get noticed.”

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

Victorious Bernie Sanders and Sanderista Comandante Chimichurri stand side-by-side

Bernie Sandwich and his loyal Sanderista supporter Comandante Chimichurri bask in the limelight of his stunning victory over Hillary Clinton in the New Hampshire Primary.

The punditsphere was alive with chatter last week about the latest developments in the Race for 2016. Overwhelmed by Bernie’s Sanders’ stunning defeat of his archrival Hillary Clinton in the New Hampshire primary, newscasters far and wide stumbled as they scrambled to find words to disseminate the news of Bernie’s unexpected victory. Megyn Kelly of Fox News referred to the candidate as “Bernie Sandals,” a possible Freudian slip alluding to his appeal to the retro Beard-and-Birkenstock crowd. Not to be outdone, MSNBC host Chris Hayes called him “Bernie Sandwiches” during a live newscast, likely an unintentional reference to the hunger he was experiencing as a consequence of his long hours on the air covering the election results.

Furthermore, the widely-publicized and retweeted gaffes revealed the existence of a new genre of supporters, the Sanderistas, whose growing numbers are dominating social media political traffic. Here, Bernie sports his lucky sandals as he and his compadre, Comandante Chimichurri revel in the limelight of his triumph.

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

The Trumpus carts away a load of candidates in a basket and a sled

The Trumpus spirits away a load of naughty office-seekers to be whipped in his underground lair deep inside the elegant and exclusive Trumpus Tunnel and Casino deep beneath Atlantic City.

In Germany, Austria and Italy, Santa and Krampus have been in a partnership since time immemorial. Their special compact specifies that Santa will reward the good children and Krampus, a part-demon, part-goat creature, has the responsibility of punishing the bad ones. This way, Santa does not tarnish his public image as a kind, jovial old fellow loved by all.

In the United States, the worst a naughty child can expect from Santa is a lump of coal in a Christmas stocking. However, in Europe, the fate of misbehaving children is far grimmer. Santa doesn’t bother with them. After leaving presents for the good kids, he instructs Krampus to collect the naughty ones and stuff them in his basket to be taken away to be whipped with switches made of birch twigs, or worse, to be devoured altogether.

Due to the alarming increase in naughtiness and bad behavior on the part of adults around the world, Santa decided to add a new position to his holiday workforce. His longstanding sidekick Krampus will now be getting some much-needed assistance from Trumpus, a new hire from America.

Over the last few months, Santa had deployed a number of his best Elves on a Shelf to infiltrate the homes of prominent candidates and observe their behavior. When the elves reported back with their findings, Santa was horrified by what he heard, especially regarding the appalling exchange of insults and accusations between the candidates. Santa instructed Trumpus to mete out deserving punishment to them. The wily Trumpus lured them all in under the pretense of a sleigh ride to a political rally where wealthy donors would be present. But before they knew it, they were collected into a basket and swiftly consigned to a dungeon in Trumpus’ subterranean lair in the elegant and exclusive Trumpus Tunnel and Casino beneath Atlantic City where they soon realized that all the slot machines are rigged, the hors d’oeuvres are stale and none of the drinks are free.

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

Senators Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren are dancing energetically to 70’s era disco music

In a fit of nostalgia for the happier times of yesteryear, Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren demonstrate that they can still bring back the old days by dancing enthusiastically to the iconic tunes of the bygone disco era.

The dance-off is on! Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren tear up the dance floor to the Bee Gees’ 1977 hit tune “Stayin’ Alive” proving that these two can still cut a mean rug.

Bernie’s dance style is a little bit country and a little bit city, hip-hop, with some fancy two-step footwork thrown in. Liz relies heavily on The Hustle. Each incorporates a hint of Funky Chicken flavor to their moves.

The competition begins to heat up as Governor Martin O’Malley gets ready on the sidelines to shimmy his way into the spotlight.

Next number requested by the crowd at Bob’s All Nite Disco and Oxygen Bar will be Gloria Gaynor’s hit 70’s song “ I will Survive” followed by Peaches and Herb’s “Shake your Groove Thing”

The night is young and the cappuccino scented oxygen is flowing freely.

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

A coyote with sunglasses is enjoying a drink at an outdoor cafe

While rummaging through the trash in the dumpster behind a trendy café in Lower Manhattan, Bob the Coyote couldn’t believe his good fortune when he found a coupon for a free beverage of his choice stuck to a piece of smelly cheese.

Bob settled into a sunny sidewalk seat and being a coyote of some refinement, he ordered an icy cold Salty Dog to relax before retreating to the comfort of his den on the top floor of a nearby parking garage. After checking his ID and his rabies vaccination tag, the waiter graciously accepted the coupon and brought Bob his drink.

You see, in the wake of a recent incident in Norwood, N.J. where a man was bitten by a coyote thought to be rabid, the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene began requiring that any canid frequenting an establishment serving food and beverage had to be vaccinated against rabies. This regulation came after a scientific determination that the herd immunity effect did not apply to packs of coyotes.

New York is a progressive city that takes pride in its diversity and Mayor Bill de Blasio has granted coyotes a special status as “citizen canids” with all of the accompanying rights and privileges. It has been reported that newly reelected Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel is looking into a similar program for the Windy City’s estimated 2,000 resident coyotes.

The folks of the Big Apple can expect to be sharing more of their fair city’s fine dining establishments with their furred quadruped compatriots as the southward migration of coyotes from wooded areas of the Bronx continues to feed the exploding coyote populations in Brooklyn and Manhattan.

“Table for four adults and three pups. Seven o’clock? Got it.”

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

: An elderly sailor is enjoying a beer and a tasty snack

After a hard life at sea, aging sailor Jackson sips a beer and munches on candied popcorn snacks while slowly coming to accept the sad reality that there is no free prize hidden in the box of life.

Throughout the happy-go-lucky days of his childhood growing up by the sea, young Jackson always looked forward to discovering the prize traditionally included in every box of tasty popcorn snacks given to him by his mother. After a long career traveling far and wide aboard ships, Jackson retired by the seashore. One evening he sought to relive the nostalgia of the carefree days of his youth when he would wait with so much anticipation for his mom to bring him his favorite treat all the while speculating as to what exciting new treasure might be revealed among the candied popcorn and nuts in the box. However, as he sipped his beer and savored his favorite snack, he suddenly became cognizant of the sobering reality that life was no longer just a bowl of candy coated popcorn with peanuts and even worse, that there is no free prize hidden in the box of life. Nevertheless, he has not given up hope of unearthing that secret decoder ring that would unlock the mysteries of the universe and that might just be at the bottom of the very box he had just opened.

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

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