Art and commentary by Kimberly Harris

The Vintner

A grape man with a hat drinking a class of wine.

François was a changed man following an unfortunate accident at the winery.

François the winemaker was overcome by CO2 gas emanating from the fermenting grape must and fell in the vat. When he was discovered days later by his associates, he was a changed man.

Art print is available at

On Friday, June 15, 2018 embattled former FBI Director, James Comey, tweeted a picture of himself standing in the shadow of a giant concrete gnome. The image quickly made its way into the national media with widespread speculation as to its meaning. The following is Don and Kim’s interpretation of the event.

Former FBI Director Jim Comey is dressed as a gnome and is standing underneath a giant mushroom.

In his lucid dream triggered by eating spoiled food at a church picnic, Jim Comey accidentally crossed through a dimensional portal and found himself trapped in the Land of the Gnomes.

After eating a bad tuna fish sandwich at a church picnic, former FBI Director Jim Comey laid down under a shady tree in the park to rest and nurse his upset stomach. He soon lapsed into a deep sleep and began to experience a lucid dream.

Comey dreamt he was taking a long casual hike in the forest to engage in a period of solitary relaxation and introspection. He wanted to process the monumental events that had recently engulfed him. Lost in thought for the longest time, he suddenly realized that he was also lost in the woods. In an attempt to retrace his steps, he followed a shadowy path through a dark stand of trees. He eventually happened upon a small clearing where he beheld a strange figure in the distance. The figure beckoned him to approach and when Comey broke out of the gloom into the light of the clearing, he found himself standing next to a large gnome of considerable stature who towered over Comey’s six-foot-nine frame. The gnome identified himself as “Muirgheas, Lord of the Forest Gnomes” and asked Comey why he was intruding into the domain of the forest spirits.

Comey replied, “I am so sorry, your lordship. I really had no intention of barging into your domain. I was just out for a contemplative stroll in the woods to seek peace and solitude while I reflected on some personal problems. Then I became lost.”

“Prithee bid me what is troubling thee,” said Muirgheas as he tapped fresh tobacco into his hand-carved pipe.

“Well,” said Comey, “You see, I have been faced with some difficult decisions at work, and in several instances, I couldn’t win no matter what I did. I was fired and my friends have abandoned me and I could be indicted for crimes I didn’t commit. My former trusted deputy McCabe has gone rogue and two persistent knaves named Gowdy and Jordan are seeking to put me in jail.”

“I see,” said Muirgheas, “I wouldst appeareth thou art in a bit of a pickle.”

“Lord Muirgheas, I am a good person and undeserving of what is happening to me. I have heard that gnomes possess supernatural powers. Might it be possible for you to use your magic to make my problems go away?

“I don’t has’t the auth’rity on mine own to useth charms for f’r the benefit of humans,” said Muirgheas, “but I couldst bringeth up thine requesteth at next month’s meeting of the Council of Gnomes.”

Comey replied “That is very kind of you to offer, but that won’t work because I may be required to testify before Congress and if I miss that hearing I will most certainly be cited for contempt.”

Muirgheas swiftly interjected: “Comey, we might beest able to maketh thine problems wend hence and removeth all traces from the official rec’rd. We has’t someone h’re who is’t can telepathically induceth selecteth s’rv’r hard disk sect’rs to becometh c’rrupt and p’rmanently loseth their data. Howev’r, at which hour thou tooketh yond wrong f’rk in the road backeth th’re, thou unwittingly did cross through a momentary dimensional p’rtal which project’d thou into a diff’rent plane in timeth and space. Thou art nay longeth’r wh’re thou did start out. Thou art anon in Éire, the home of thine Celtic ancest’rs, and backeth in a much gentl’r, simpl’r timeth. Th’re is nay returning, so thou shall beest joyous to learneth yond thou wilt nev’r again has’t to dealeth with those two scoundrel Scotsmen, McCabe and Gowdy ‘r yond pesky rascal J’rdan.”

“Howev’r, as a result of thine unwitting intrusion into our realm, thou art presently did classify h’re as an undocument’d immigrant. This places thou in gnome-man’s landeth and subject to being lock’d in a cage, so we shall needeth to initiateth thine naturalization processeth as anon as possible.”

“Well, I wasn’t so keen on going back anyway. So, what’s next?” asked Comey.

“We can starteth with getting thou fitt’d f’r a col’rful outfit and cap, some handsome boots and a broad black belt with a big shiny buckle. Thou wilt beest joyous h’re. The maj’rity of gnomes art less than four feet tall, so thou wilt walketh ‘mongst us as a giant, Consid’ring thine impressive credentials, with timeth, thou couldst beest consid’r’d f’r the position of Gnome Att’rney Gen’ral. ”

Comey was then suddenly shaken into a waking state by paramedics who had been summoned by park police after a report of a mass food poisoning incident. He was lifted onto a gurney and transported to a hospital where he was successfully treated and released the same evening. As he walked out the door, he was greeted by a man in a dark suit with a sinister grin who handed him a congressional subpoena and announced: “You’re served!” Then, as Comey turned to leave, a nurse chased after him and said “Sir, you forgot your hat” as she gave him a pointy, green hand-felted cap with a label on the inside “Made in Eire.”

Here is a link to Jim Comey’s Instagram page and the image that inspired this tale:

View this post on Instagram

Comey’s Gnomey

A post shared by James Comey (@comey) on

Painting of woman with bouffant hair containing images of outer space

Velma was late to the Gala at the planetarium because her mind was elsewhere.

Velma was dressed and ready to attend this year’s “Stars are Out Tonight” Gala at the planetarium. She was a world-renowned astrophysicist and the guest of honor at the event. She should have been there by now, but there were problems to be solved and her mind was somewhere else.

This print is available at

A Pooka in rabbit form drives a car with two passengers while racing a jet ski riding horse-headed Kelpie.

Choose wisely who you ride with.

You can hitch a ride with a Pooka, but don’t ever accept a ride from a Kelpie. Please be aware that if you accept a Pooka’s offer of a lift, he may not take you where you want to go. Bring a map, GPS, beverage and snacks. It may take a while to get back home.

Going with a Kelpie would be a poor choice. He may dive into a lake, drown you and devour you.

A signed art print is available at my Etsy shop

A groundhog is dressed as a viking

Well, the groundhog has spoken. Six more weeks of winter!

Happy Groundhog Day, everybody!

Five Antifa La La La carolers dressed in black are singing carols

The Antifa La La Carolers perform their signature holiday song “All I want for Christmas is Your Two Front Teeth”

Well, the Christmas season is upon us and with it comes the snow, the chilling temperatures, the aroma of chestnuts roasting on an open fire, family gatherings, and, of course, the carolers who stroll through the neighborhoods spreading cheer with their harmonious melodies.

As the protest season ratcheted down, a group of paid professional protesters saw their incomes waning and decided to pick up some extra cash by celebrating their year’s achievements in song.

On the 12th day of Christmas
The newsman sent to me:
12 mobs gathering
11 gassed protesters
10 bros a stoning
9 speeches shut down
8 cops a chasing
7 dudes arrested
6 tires burning
5 stores looted
4 windows smashed
3 streets blocked
2 cars on fire
And riots on the nightly news

The troupe apologizes for their slightly muffled voices but hope you might drop a little something in the can anyway.  If you haven’t got a penny, a ha’ penny will do.

Trick or Treat!

Children based on Tim Burton Characters go trick or treating.

The new neighbor’s children had great Halloween costumes, yet there was something not quite right about them.

These darling children had the best costumes ever, so extra treats were provided all around! They did seem a bit odd, however.

This illustration is from Day 31 and the final day of Mabs Drawlloween October Daily Art Challenge on Instagram. Today was a Halloween tribute to the fabulous Tim Burton.

Mummy’s Coffee

A mummy gives a thumbs up while holding a cup of hot gourmet coffee.

Coffee strong enough to raise the dead.

Mummy really loved her morning coffee. Her favorite brand was Premium Bat Blend No.2 Arabica from Anubis Coffee and Tea Estates. She always used two scoops per cup and it was strong enough to raise the dead.



Nosferatu poses with his dog, Bela.

Nosferatu and his dog Bela were a perfect match.

Nosferatu was a lonely single man who felt he needed to fill a void in his life. Bela was an abandoned bloodhound-mix whose owner just happened to have been a recent victim of a mysterious case of exsanguination. They found each other at a local Transylvanian animal shelter and were a perfect match.


Old Joe’s skeleton lies in a deteriorating whirling teacup at an abandoned amusement park.

Joe loved the carnival life and Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer.

Most of Joe’s adult life was spent working as a carny in charge of the whirling teacups. After he passed, in accordance with his last wishes, he was laid to rest in a sarcophagus of his own choosing in a now abandoned amusement park.

This illustration is from Day 23 of my contributions to Mabs Drawlloween Daily Art Challenge on Instagram. The prompt was “Coffin.”

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