Art and commentary by Kimberly Harris

Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

Jim Comey’s Midsummer Day’s Dream

On Friday, June 15, 2018 embattled former FBI Director, James Comey, tweeted a picture of himself standing in the shadow of a giant concrete gnome. The image quickly made its way into the national media with widespread speculation as to its meaning. The following is Don and Kim’s interpretation of the event.

Former FBI Director Jim Comey is dressed as a gnome and is standing underneath a giant mushroom.

In his lucid dream triggered by eating spoiled food at a church picnic, Jim Comey accidentally crossed through a dimensional portal and found himself trapped in the Land of the Gnomes.

After eating a bad tuna fish sandwich at a church picnic, former FBI Director Jim Comey laid down under a shady tree in the park to rest and nurse his upset stomach. He soon lapsed into a deep sleep and began to experience a lucid dream.

Comey dreamt he was taking a long casual hike in the forest to engage in a period of solitary relaxation and introspection. He wanted to process the monumental events that had recently engulfed him. Lost in thought for the longest time, he suddenly realized that he was also lost in the woods. In an attempt to retrace his steps, he followed a shadowy path through a dark stand of trees. He eventually happened upon a small clearing where he beheld a strange figure in the distance. The figure beckoned him to approach and when Comey broke out of the gloom into the light of the clearing, he found himself standing next to a large gnome of considerable stature who towered over Comey’s six-foot-nine frame. The gnome identified himself as “Muirgheas, Lord of the Forest Gnomes” and asked Comey why he was intruding into the domain of the forest spirits.

Comey replied, “I am so sorry, your lordship. I really had no intention of barging into your domain. I was just out for a contemplative stroll in the woods to seek peace and solitude while I reflected on some personal problems. Then I became lost.”

“Prithee bid me what is troubling thee,” said Muirgheas as he tapped fresh tobacco into his hand-carved pipe.

“Well,” said Comey, “You see, I have been faced with some difficult decisions at work, and in several instances, I couldn’t win no matter what I did. I was fired and my friends have abandoned me and I could be indicted for crimes I didn’t commit. My former trusted deputy McCabe has gone rogue and two persistent knaves named Gowdy and Jordan are seeking to put me in jail.”

“I see,” said Muirgheas, “I wouldst appeareth thou art in a bit of a pickle.”

“Lord Muirgheas, I am a good person and undeserving of what is happening to me. I have heard that gnomes possess supernatural powers. Might it be possible for you to use your magic to make my problems go away?

“I don’t has’t the auth’rity on mine own to useth charms for f’r the benefit of humans,” said Muirgheas, “but I couldst bringeth up thine requesteth at next month’s meeting of the Council of Gnomes.”

Comey replied “That is very kind of you to offer, but that won’t work because I may be required to testify before Congress and if I miss that hearing I will most certainly be cited for contempt.”

Muirgheas swiftly interjected: “Comey, we might beest able to maketh thine problems wend hence and removeth all traces from the official rec’rd. We has’t someone h’re who is’t can telepathically induceth selecteth s’rv’r hard disk sect’rs to becometh c’rrupt and p’rmanently loseth their data. Howev’r, at which hour thou tooketh yond wrong f’rk in the road backeth th’re, thou unwittingly did cross through a momentary dimensional p’rtal which project’d thou into a diff’rent plane in timeth and space. Thou art nay longeth’r wh’re thou did start out. Thou art anon in Éire, the home of thine Celtic ancest’rs, and backeth in a much gentl’r, simpl’r timeth. Th’re is nay returning, so thou shall beest joyous to learneth yond thou wilt nev’r again has’t to dealeth with those two scoundrel Scotsmen, McCabe and Gowdy ‘r yond pesky rascal J’rdan.”

“Howev’r, as a result of thine unwitting intrusion into our realm, thou art presently did classify h’re as an undocument’d immigrant. This places thou in gnome-man’s landeth and subject to being lock’d in a cage, so we shall needeth to initiateth thine naturalization processeth as anon as possible.”

“Well, I wasn’t so keen on going back anyway. So, what’s next?” asked Comey.

“We can starteth with getting thou fitt’d f’r a col’rful outfit and cap, some handsome boots and a broad black belt with a big shiny buckle. Thou wilt beest joyous h’re. The maj’rity of gnomes art less than four feet tall, so thou wilt walketh ‘mongst us as a giant, Consid’ring thine impressive credentials, with timeth, thou couldst beest consid’r’d f’r the position of Gnome Att’rney Gen’ral. ”

Comey was then suddenly shaken into a waking state by paramedics who had been summoned by park police after a report of a mass food poisoning incident. He was lifted onto a gurney and transported to a hospital where he was successfully treated and released the same evening. As he walked out the door, he was greeted by a man in a dark suit with a sinister grin who handed him a congressional subpoena and announced: “You’re served!” Then, as Comey turned to leave, a nurse chased after him and said “Sir, you forgot your hat” as she gave him a pointy, green hand-felted cap with a label on the inside “Made in Eire.”

Here is a link to Jim Comey’s Instagram page and the image that inspired this tale:

View this post on Instagram

Comey’s Gnomey

A post shared by James Comey (@comey) on

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The AntiFa La la La Carolers

Five Antifa La La La carolers dressed in black are singing carols

The Antifa La La Carolers perform their signature holiday song “All I want for Christmas is Your Two Front Teeth”

Well, the Christmas season is upon us and with it comes the snow, the chilling temperatures, the aroma of chestnuts roasting on an open fire, family gatherings, and, of course, the carolers who stroll through the neighborhoods spreading cheer with their harmonious melodies.

As the protest season ratcheted down, a group of paid professional protesters saw their incomes waning and decided to pick up some extra cash by celebrating their year’s achievements in song.

On the 12th day of Christmas
The newsman sent to me:
12 mobs gathering
11 gassed protesters
10 bros a stoning
9 speeches shut down
8 cops a chasing
7 dudes arrested
6 tires burning
5 stores looted
4 windows smashed
3 streets blocked
2 cars on fire
And riots on the nightly news

The troupe apologizes for their slightly muffled voices but hope you might drop a little something in the can anyway.  If you haven’t got a penny, a ha’ penny will do.

Chasin’ the Trump Plane on a Wing and a Prayer

Ted Cruz is chasing The Donald who is flying an antique airplane

Aspiring high flyers, heed this sage advice: “Keep thy wings level and maintain thine airspeed lest the ground rise up and smite thee mightily.”

 
Flyin’ Ted beats his wings hard to catch up to The Donald’s Juggernaut

After campaigning out West in the delegate-rich states of California, Washington and Oregon, Donald Trump decided to forgo his private Boeing 757 jet and make a dramatic entrance at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland by landing a World War II vintage Ryan PT-22 trainer in the parking lot of the Quicken Loans Arena. As Trump homes in on Cleveland, Flyin’ Ted is cruzin’ hard and shedding feathers in his wake as he tries to catch up to The Donald and his pilot, Captain Eddie. Flyin’ Ted’s last hope is to collect enough delegates before July to feather his nest at what he believes could be a contested convention that could score him the nomination.

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“He was not bone and feather but a perfect idea of freedom and flight, limited by nothing at all”
― Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull

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N.B. For you aviation buffs out there, the airplane is a Ryan PT-22 “Recruit” which was used as a trainer by the United States Army Air Forces during World War II. A civilian version of the PT-22, a Ryan Aeronautical ST3KR, was in the news in March 2015 when actor Harrison Ford experienced an engine failure after departing from Santa Monica airport. He was forced to crash-land on a nearby golf course where he sustained serious injuries.

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

The ingenious Governor John Quixotich of the Buckeye State

Governor John Kasich is riding a dragon against a backdrop of windmills

Fearless Governor John Quixotich prepares to vanquish his towering opponents against virtually insurmountable odds.

 
Faced with the prospect of jousting with opponents of overwhelming stature, fearless governor John Quixotich exchanges his trusty steed Rocinante for a fierce fire-breathing dragon and charges forth with a battle cry “It’s time for nice guys to get noticed.”

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

Bernie Sandwich wins the New Hampshire Primary

Victorious Bernie Sanders and Sanderista Comandante Chimichurri stand side-by-side

Bernie Sandwich and his loyal Sanderista supporter Comandante Chimichurri bask in the limelight of his stunning victory over Hillary Clinton in the New Hampshire Primary.

The punditsphere was alive with chatter last week about the latest developments in the Race for 2016. Overwhelmed by Bernie’s Sanders’ stunning defeat of his archrival Hillary Clinton in the New Hampshire primary, newscasters far and wide stumbled as they scrambled to find words to disseminate the news of Bernie’s unexpected victory. Megyn Kelly of Fox News referred to the candidate as “Bernie Sandals,” a possible Freudian slip alluding to his appeal to the retro Beard-and-Birkenstock crowd. Not to be outdone, MSNBC host Chris Hayes called him “Bernie Sandwiches” during a live newscast, likely an unintentional reference to the hunger he was experiencing as a consequence of his long hours on the air covering the election results.

Furthermore, the widely-publicized and retweeted gaffes revealed the existence of a new genre of supporters, the Sanderistas, whose growing numbers are dominating social media political traffic. Here, Bernie sports his lucky sandals as he and his compadre, Comandante Chimichurri revel in the limelight of his triumph.

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

Santa’s New Helper, The Trumpus

The Trumpus carts away a load of candidates in a basket and a sled

The Trumpus spirits away a load of naughty office-seekers to be whipped in his underground lair deep inside the elegant and exclusive Trumpus Tunnel and Casino deep beneath Atlantic City.

In Germany, Austria and Italy, Santa and Krampus have been in a partnership since time immemorial. Their special compact specifies that Santa will reward the good children and Krampus, a part-demon, part-goat creature, has the responsibility of punishing the bad ones. This way, Santa does not tarnish his public image as a kind, jovial old fellow loved by all.

In the United States, the worst a naughty child can expect from Santa is a lump of coal in a Christmas stocking. However, in Europe, the fate of misbehaving children is far grimmer. Santa doesn’t bother with them. After leaving presents for the good kids, he instructs Krampus to collect the naughty ones and stuff them in his basket to be taken away to be whipped with switches made of birch twigs, or worse, to be devoured altogether.

Due to the alarming increase in naughtiness and bad behavior on the part of adults around the world, Santa decided to add a new position to his holiday workforce. His longstanding sidekick Krampus will now be getting some much-needed assistance from Trumpus, a new hire from America.

Over the last few months, Santa had deployed a number of his best Elves on a Shelf to infiltrate the homes of prominent candidates and observe their behavior. When the elves reported back with their findings, Santa was horrified by what he heard, especially regarding the appalling exchange of insults and accusations between the candidates. Santa instructed Trumpus to mete out deserving punishment to them. The wily Trumpus lured them all in under the pretense of a sleigh ride to a political rally where wealthy donors would be present. But before they knew it, they were collected into a basket and swiftly consigned to a dungeon in Trumpus’ subterranean lair in the elegant and exclusive Trumpus Tunnel and Casino beneath Atlantic City where they soon realized that all the slot machines are rigged, the hors d’oeuvres are stale and none of the drinks are free.

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren cut a mean rug

Senators Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren are dancing energetically to 70’s era disco music

In a fit of nostalgia for the happier times of yesteryear, Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren demonstrate that they can still bring back the old days by dancing enthusiastically to the iconic tunes of the bygone disco era.

The dance-off is on! Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren tear up the dance floor to the Bee Gees’ 1977 hit tune “Stayin’ Alive” proving that these two can still cut a mean rug.

Bernie’s dance style is a little bit country and a little bit city, hip-hop, with some fancy two-step footwork thrown in. Liz relies heavily on The Hustle. Each incorporates a hint of Funky Chicken flavor to their moves.

The competition begins to heat up as Governor Martin O’Malley gets ready on the sidelines to shimmy his way into the spotlight.

Next number requested by the crowd at Bob’s All Nite Disco and Oxygen Bar will be Gloria Gaynor’s hit 70’s song “ I will Survive” followed by Peaches and Herb’s “Shake your Groove Thing”

The night is young and the cappuccino scented oxygen is flowing freely.

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

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