Art and commentary by Kimberly Harris

Posts tagged ‘squid’

Randy’s Sneaker Collection

Randy the sea monster shows off his collection of colorful sneakers

Randy the sea monster likes to show off his colorful collection of sneakers that he has acquired during his underwater forays into the Bermuda Triangle

Randy the green sea monster frequents the briny depths of the Bermuda Triangle searching for lost ships and aircraft so he can devour their hapless crews and add their sneakers to his vast collection which he periodically puts on display at public beaches.

(Kim Harris’ submission to Redbubble’s “Monster Challenge”)

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Cthulhu Pens his Memoirs

Cthulhu works on his typewriter as he smokes a cigarette

Cthulhu smokes a cigarette as he attempts to overcome writer’s block

After waking from an eternity of sleep in his sunken city of R’lyeh, Cthulhu finds himself restless and bored. The propitious hour to destroy civilization has yet to arrive because the necessary galactic alignment won’t occur until December 12, 2012. In order to pass the time, Cthulhu decides to write his memoirs. He has been alive for untold eons, and his story began to evolve long ago on a dark and stormy night at the foot of the Mountains of Madness.

Cthulhu reminisces about his long existence as he winds his way through the complex cosmology that governs the arcane hierarchy of greater and lesser gods that have played influential roles in his life over the years. More than anything, Cthulhu cherishes his memory of the defining moment in his life that occurred when he was named the high priest to the Great Old Ones, powerful beings from other star systems that have long been worshipped by primitive humans on Earth.

Cthulhu has only vague recollections of his childhood on a distant planet in the twenty-third nebula, but recalls with fondness the arrival of his star-spawn who built R’lyeh in the immeasurable depths beneath an Antarctic ice shelf. At present, Cthulhu is completing a chapter containing a dramatic portrayal of the unsuccessful Shoggoth Rebellion which was temporarily put down by the Elder Things, who were subsequently weakened by the last ice age and were ultimately exterminated by these former slaves.

Cultists who are aware of Cthulhu’s literary undertaking are excited about the potential resolution to the longstanding question as to whether the Great Old Ones were cast out and imprisoned under the sea for their use of black magic, or as others argue, they are merely hibernating in consonance with an immutable cosmic cycle, and will be revived at the auspicious moment when the planets are again in correct alignment.

Up to now, Cthulhu has thus refrained from commenting on what the future holds for humanity when that fateful moment arrives and humankind’s brief reign on the planet comes to an abrupt and violent end at the hands of the original inhabitants who are returning to claim it as their own, as some suggest has been prophesized in the Necronomicon.

Predictably, he has titled his memoirs “Cthulhu Fhtagn,” an expression in his native ancient tongue that is generally accepted to translate as “”Cthulhu Waits Dreaming.”

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

Robert Shops Etsy for Priscilla’s Birthday Presents

Robert chooses strange Valentine's Day gifts for his girlfriend including a giant squid hat

Maybe Robert should have gone to Jared's

Looking for those last minute special gifts for that special someone? Maybe it’s best not to take a tip from Robert.

Robert hopes to make this an extra special birthday this year for his girlfriend Priscilla with the purchase of handmade gifts from her favorite online marketplace, Etsy

He spent many hours browsing through the myriad of shops and strolling down their virtual aisles. He just knew she would love the giant fleece squid hat, the living moss heart-shaped belt buckle, the spectacular tulle tutu, a hand-knitted cowl and a quizzical needle felted owl. He wasn’t really sure about the camouflage tights, although he thought they were quite alluring.

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