Art and commentary by Kimberly Harris

Posts tagged ‘government waste’

Government study reveals why snails have sex

Two lusty snails are enjoying a martini before engaging in romantic banter

The handsome, suave Count d’Escargot has slyly seduced yet another glamorous gastropod

It was recently revealed that the National Science Foundation awarded a grant to the University of Iowa for the purpose of conducting research into why New Zealand mud snails go to the trouble of having sex when they are perfectly capable of reproduction by themselves without the need to engage the opposite sex.

The study cost just short of a million dollars, but it produced a startling revelation: The snails do it because it’s a whole lot of fun!

Everybody needs a little romance…

But will the Count call her back in the morning?

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

GSA Hot Tub Hijinks in Las Vegas

GSA Hot Tub Hijinks in Las Vegas

Jeffrey Neely, Angry Clown and Gumby enjoy refreshing beverages while relaxing in the hot tub after a hard day of reviewing resorts and sampling gastronomical delicacies.

After a hard day of scouting out resorts and sampling the offerings of Las Vegas’ finest caterers, General Services Administration Western Region Director Jeffrey Neely decided that a bubble bath in his suite at the M Resort in Las Vegas would be in order.

Upon viewing the images in the news media, many have asked the question: Who was the second glass of wine for? Well, not to be selfish, Director Neely decided to share the experience with two colleagues that he had recently identified as prospective performers for the festivities planned in connection with the GSA’s 2010 Western Regions Conference. Mr. Pagliaccio was selected to perform as his character, the cigarette-puffing Angry Clown who continuously creates disharmony in an office environment. Gumby was brought in to reinforce the GSA’s commitment to their “Going Green” campaign. Gumby was also expected to be a guest artist during the Green Man Group’s performance at the conference.

Earlier in the day, the three had sampled the Petite Beef Wellington and Mini Monte Cristo sandwiches that were proposed to be served to the civil servants attending the networking reception. Mr. Neely and Mr. Pagliaccio both ordered a glass of vintage Napa Valley Cabernet from room service. Gumby, who comes from a less privileged background and who arguably has a somewhat unrefined palate, settled for a bottle of Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

The soothing bath and the relaxing drinks prepared the trio for the next challenging event of their rigorous resort scouting trip. They were tasked with awesome responsibility of evaluating the proposed fare that consisted of Boursin Scalloped Potatoes and Barolo Wine Braised Short Ribs that would be featured at the conference’s closing dinner.

There have been recent stories in the media that reveal that Mr. Neely and his wife have enjoyed holidays in Hawaii and other Pacific islands while ostensibly on important official US Government business. Wow! To be able to live as largely as a Federal civil servant!

Illustration by Kim Harris
Story by Don Rudisuhle

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